30 Days of Inspiration! Day 2: Katerina Plotnikova

Today's inspiration is Katernia Plotnikova! Katernia is a Moscow-Russian based photographer. She was recognized for her beautiful portraits with animals. Not just animals, but live animals at that.

Her work is usually with a lot of neutral tones with a pop of color, but generally her palette is soft and dreamy. What really caught my eye with her work is how she doesn't really use much compositing for her images. While certain things like ropes and cranes are removed from her images, she completely creates everything in on set and in camera. I love seeing her behind the scene images because they're always such a beautiful set up and the ending result is magical!

What makes her such an inspiration to me is that one day I hope to be able to create elaborate sets for my images! I'd love to be able to do everything on set as much as possible. I do love a good composite, but I love when things are there in reality too. It makes it that much more realistic!

Katerina Plotnikova on 500px

30 Days of Inspiration! Day 1: Sally Mann

     I planned a huge post about everything that happened last year and my images and everything. I made it super detailed - too detailed. I ended up never finishing it because it was just becoming time consuming. I actually haven't even made a blog post in a long time! I wanted to change that! Every day for the next 30 days I will write a small blog about someone that inspires me. Since I do photography, it will most likely be photographers but I may have 2 people a day. Who knows! :D I will be talking about local people I know (or others farther away) or famous people that inspire me!

      Today I will definitely be talking about Photography. One of my all time favorite photographers is Sally Mann. I can't express how much I adore her work! Sally Mann is an American Photographer, best known for her large black-and-white photographs -- at first of her young children, then later of landscapes suggesting decay and death. She uses the Collodion process for her images.

The collodion process is an early photographic process, invented by Frederick Scott Archer. It was introduced in the 1850s and by the end of that decade it had almost entirely replaced the first practical photographic process, the daguerreotype.

      If you've ever taken a history of photography class, she is definitely in there and beyond worth getting familiar with her work. I love how her work gets people to talk, how they tell stories, how she portrays her subjects, and mostly how she texturizes her images whether it's on purpose or not.

      I own a few of her books like "At Twelve" and "Immediate Family". Body Farm is another book I hope to obtain soon! Below are a few of my favorite images of hers! You can also check out some of her works on her website. They're definitely not all on there which is a shame because there are many many more beautiful images of hers not displayed there! 

www.sallymann.com

From "At Twelve" 1983-1985

From" Immediate Family" 1984-1991

From "Battlefields" 2000-2003

From "Body Farm" 2000-2001

From "Faces" 2004

Elizabeth

     

There is something about me that some people know and most of my really close friends know about me.

I get asked a lot about my photography name "Sleeping Awake Photography". I named it after being a victim of a sleeping disorder called "Sleep Paralysis". Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which people, either when falling asleep or wakening, temporarily experience an inability to move. It is a transition state between wakefulness and rest characterized by complete muscle atonia (muscle weakness). It can occur at sleep onset or upon awakening, and it is often associated with terrifying visions, such as an intruder in the room, to which one is unable to react due to paralysis. It is believed a result of disrupted REM sleep, which is normally characterized by complete muscle atonia that prevents individuals from acting out their dreams. (taken from wiki. This describes it the best)

I've been a victim of it since childhood. It's really funny because my mother will tell me stories when I was a kid and telling her I could see ghosts or in other terms like dead people (I'm such a creep). I never mentioned anything to her about it because I was scared. My first experience that I can fully remember was when I was 13. We were visiting our family in Kentucky because my cousin was going in for surgery to get his ribs worked on (they were caved in and causing lung issues)... well me and my dad stayed behind and slept at my aunt's house. I remember laying next to my father and waking up but unable to move... I was staring at the wall and all I could hear was breathing... to find out my dad actually wasn't next to me freaked me out more. I never said anything until my sr year in high school... it was happening every single night. Not just every now and then but literally every night.

I finally admitted to my parents why I slept in their bed with them until I was 14... every time I slept in my room I'd have sleep paralysis. There have been few times where I could get up but my body was so heavy (not fully un-paralyzed) that I'd actually stumble into everything and sometimes even pass out on the floor. I'd wake up with bruises and cuts but never said anything to anyone about it. I'd just play it off like I was clumsy. There were times where I would hyperventilate during an episode and black out for lack of oxygen.


I think the one thing that stuck with me the most was the little girl I would see when I would be in that state of sleeping awakeness... her name is Elizabeth. One of my friends from school swears up and down that she talked to Elizabeth one day on the phone while I was on the phone with her. It makes me laugh but kind of freaks me out as well because it's not just a girl from my sleep paralysis... she was actually an imaginary friend I'd play with as a child as well. She was one of those nice yet mean spirits... I've had strange things happen in my room, even while awake, but at night when I sleep I have terrible dreams. In fact, I don't even believe I dream anymore. I have nightmares or I guess "visions" that tell my deepest feelings. I've had my dreams make me realize a lot about myself... when I can remember a dream I always write it down and use it as inspiration for my images. I also research my dreams... try to understand them. If I'm eating toothpicks and pulling them out of my stomach in my dreams, I'd like to know why.

Very few people know this about me. I tell people why my photo name is what it is... but I haven't told them the deeper details like I am now... I guess a part of me wants everyone to understand my work completely. I had a photographer a couple months ago tell me that I was a liar and stealing images... that I didn't get inspiration from my dreams. Little does she know... I have medical records showing my condition. After I told my mother about what was going on she immediately set me up an appointment with a neurologist. I was tested for 3 nights. I was video taped, monitored 24/7 and even had an iv in my hand which eventually itched like crazy... Here is an image of it. You can see the wires and everything hooked up along with the iv in my hand. On a side note... that adhesive crap they used pulled out a lot of my hair and stayed on my scalp for a week...

After it was over with I got my results and they told me I experienced it even though I didn't remember it that time. They also linked insomnia, night terrors, and seizures to me as well. Since my mother is an epileptic she freaked out and blamed herself for the genes she gave me. It made me laugh actually.. I told her I loved my sleep paralysis. It's scary... but if you let it ride and take control... I've experienced the best things of my life during those few minutes of sleeping awakeness... I was able to, what seemed like, leave my own body and watch myself from above. I saw myself sleeping or staring back at myself. I was able to control my dreams as well.
I sounds super crazy but unless you've been there, you won't understand and I know it's a hard thing to understand if you've never experienced this. It has effected me my whole life. I don't sleep at normal times like other people, I tend to take long naps during the day, even with a good nights rest I will wake up super tired and drowsy all day. I've actually had a lot of complications at my jobs when they would schedule me early in the mornings. When I was on medication for this (which I refused to take it and almost lost my license because of it but when I got the change I RAN from that doctor) I've been fired before from a job because of it. They tested a bunch of different ones out on me and they all had terrible effects. One made me sleep all day.. I wouldn't wake up, I didn't eat, nothing... I lost 10 pounds in one week because of it.. then they put me on other one that made me a zombie. It made me crazy and that's when I lost my job. I never told my boss about my condition so it's not really their fault.. even though they called me stupid basically... (I got sick from the meds and called out work but no one answered so they fired me because they said I was a no call no show)

EDIT:::: I wrote this blog in April 15, 2014. I've had this image idea for a really long time now and FINALLY was able to complete it! <3 It was really fun to do this image. I was hanging upside down for a while and just in general the whole set up was fun and a learning experience. I may revisit this image and recreate it later down the road.

"Elizabeth"

Restoration

I've had this image in my head for a while now. I got the inspiration from a very beautiful Japanese art called "Kintsugi" which literally means gold repair or to repair with gold. I've always loved pottery or dishes that were treated this way and I never knew there was a name for it and that it was an art form until a few years ago.


One theory is kintsugi may have originated when Japanese shogun Ashikaga Yoshimasa sent a damaged Chinese tea bowl back to China for repairs in the late 15th century.When it was returned, repaired with ugly metal staples, it may have prompted Japanese craftsmen to look for a more aesthetic means of repair. Kintsugi can relate to the Japanese philosophy of "no mind" which encompasses the concepts of non-attachment, acceptance of change and fate as aspects of human life.

Just from this art alone I got inspiration to tell a story about how people may get broken in a situation but once you pull through you're more beautiful than before. Human life isn't a waste and there are so many things you can become if you just embrace your flaws and past and move on. Don't be ashamed of who you are or where you came from because, even if it is and was hard, look at the person you are today. Look at the things you've accomplished or have overcome in life - life is hard. When you think that you're broken and useless, that's when you need to pick your pieces up and mend them back together into something more beautiful than before. Highlighting your flaws with pride instead of being upset that you're not in a perfect state anymore. Once we are born we instantly begin to wear down and fall apart. Life is the journey of finding ourselves and making sure that we keep ourselves together because you never know who is out there that will look at you as inspiration and want to continue living because of YOU.

I've met some of the most beautiful people in the world and they've all came from nothing or have fought to be who they are today. They're giving, caring, charitable, and just over all kind. Kindness isn't weakness at all. In fact, it takes a lot of strength for a person to control their mind and being and give back a kind attitude. It's so easy for us to get angry or lash out but it's hard for us to turn the other cheek or understand another person's situation. I strongly believe in what you put out into the universe will be given to you 10 fold.

Why I Do Self Portraits

When I first started out in photography I only took photos of models. I had it set in my head that I wasn't pretty enough or I hated the way I looked in photos... blah blah blah. I was really hard on myself and while I tried to do some nicer images of myself here and there, I honestly still disliked them.

One of my best friends always says that moving from my hometown was the best thing to ever happen to me and looking back on everything... he's right. I got away from a lot of the stupid drama that happened there. 99% of the time it didn't even really involve me but people would pull me in because... well, that was the circle of friends. I'd try to get out of that circle and find a friend and then find out that they're friend's with all the people I tried to run from. I still get that where I live now, just not to the degree that it was.

Anyways, with moving, it came that I didn't know anyone around me. I desperately wanted to continue my photography and art but I had no one to help anymore. The few models I did meet ended up not showing or canceling for whatever reason. I got really sick in October last year and forced myself to get out of bed and photograph an image instead of laying in bed all day. It's probably one of my favorite images I've shot. Image to the left is the referred one titled "Breathe No More" from one of my favorite songs.

I learned a lot creating this image. I learned that not everything has to be sharply still. I learned that I can be my own model and not hate myself. I learned that I can create anything if I put my mind to it. Ever since this photograph, I've been doing several self portraits. It's not that I like looking at myself in photos, but it's I like making my dreams and ideas come to life. I love seeing myself in these other worlds I create. I love being 100% apart of my art. I still use models for things that I can't do by myself or use models because it's easier when there isn't much time to shoot (like trying to shoot right before sun set, etc.) Who knows my schedule and can be reliable? I can. I know my own schedule more than anyone else and I can also be there. I don't have to wait for a late model and I can push myself as far as I want my image to go. With some models they can't do certain things or in some cases they just won't do certain things.

I've found myself doing some crazy things for photos that only a few other people I know would do for me. I've been inside creepy abandoned buildings, stood on glass or other materials barefoot, photographed myself in the ocean in December, put my bare skin against snow, climbed a mountain for photos, etc. I don't regret anything at all either. I'm a super adventurous person and I love ever minute of it! Doing self portraits has been the best thing I've done in my entire life.

Offended by Nudity

It has been about a year since I've shot anything nude or semi-nude and I forgot just how annoyingly sensitive people are about something so natural.

Everyone has their own opinions, but what really irks me is how people can't distinguish different types of nudity. In most of society's eyes nude is wrong no matter how you look at it. There is the wonderful and beautiful art side of nudity that is completely void of sexual content, and then there is basic porn. The way I see it is if people aren't touching sensitive areas, then it's "safe". If they're obviously doing proactive things to themselves or another person(s) and or posing provocatively... then that's where it gets distasteful and uninteresting to me.

I'm amazed by just how narrow minded the majority of people can be. I'm constantly amazed by how people are trapped in their own minds and bodies and never truly feel free. Not saying you need to be nude, look at nudes, or photograph nudes. What I'm saying is how people get offended by nudes but they are perfectly fine with Victoria Secret ads. You see butt cheeks and cleavage in their photos and they even have live shows. But once someone photographs an image that doesn't even show private parts... the whole world ends and it's deems as mature content.

I'm going to use my most recent image as an example. While yes the image has a nude figure in it, it is in no way sexual. While the female is touching the male, it's not in a provocative nature. Also, this image doesn't show an graphic content in my eyes. Back to the VS statement, I consider thongs more revealing than this photo. I purposely set up the figures to where you could not see anything. No privates, no under butt cheek, no boobs, yes you see a man nipple... but people don't get offended by those anyways.

"The Ones That Hold Us"

What I'm mainly getting at is that sexuality is based on how people perceive things. This goes to artistic nudes of children. While I find cute baby butt-cheeks and squishy faces adorable, there are some sick people out there that will overly sexual the image and that is all based on how their mind works. I personally think nudity can be a very beautiful thing, artistically speaking. 

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Moving Forward

     I recently went through a lot of reflection on my past. There were parts of it that I missed extremely and other parts that I was more than happy to be missing in my life. I've made mistakes and I grew from them. I also helped other people to grow and flourish and become something in their life. I have a real love-hate relationship with my past. While (as mentioned in too many of my blogs) I was bullied a lot growing up and even still to this day I get it, I became strong from those situations. I don't take what other people say so personally anymore. There are a lot of terrible things people will say and do in order to bring you down and the one thing I'm most proud of is being able to finally not let it get to me. I've made a lot of friends in my past and I made some enemies as well (mostly girls overreacting about dumb things). Something we should all remember is that the past is in the past and everything happens for a reason.

     I recently hung out with a very old friend of mine, I'm talking about someone I've know my whole life. Hanging out with this person, after so many years, was nice... or so I thought. We went to the mall and hung out for a while and talked - that's it. We talked about old friends, and funny things that happened when we went to school together. We talked about our future and how it could of been different because of one thing or another. It was kind of an eye opener. For myself, I've done so many things and I've honestly moved so far away and past my childhood that revisiting it was a mistake. After we said our good-bye's, some not so fun things happened that I won't go into extreme detail, but let me just say that it reminded me of the whole reason why I left my past behind.

     I was never a problem child. I kept to myself and learned art, piano, singing, etc. I was really active. Eventually I mixed myself with crappy people. I didn't turn crappy like they were but I was in the middle of everyone's drama. As much as I tried to get away from it, another "friend" would come into my life and they would know those same people and it was just a vicious cycle. I thought it would never end. My life was in constant turmoil because of the people I surrounded myself with. Honestly, I have no clue as to why they were even in my life. When I look back on it, we really didn't have much in common and in the end the friendships went nowhere real quick. These people destroyed friendships with some people I actually cared a lot about. As much as I tried to explain situations and let these people know that I had nothing to do with certain situations, it was too late and I'll never get the good friendships back. I was pretty upset about it all but now I feel like those relationships that were tainted wouldn't of been good to keep anyways.

     As I thought on this more and more I wanted to create an image that reflected how I'm feeling and what I'm going through in this personal time in my life. I wanted the image to show myself moving forward from my past. I wanted it to reflect how it's hard to move on but you can do it once you lift your head high and look towards your future. I have a very bright future and I want to keep being inspired and live a full life. That's what this image means to me. A part of me is holding onto my past because of the good memories, but more than all of me knows I need to move on. Leaving the bad relationships and friendships behind. Leaving the stupid mistakes behind and moving forward to the future I've always wanted for myself. Just like my past, I have a love-hate relationship with this image. There are so many things I love about it but there are so many things I hate about it as well.

"Moving Forward"

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