How I Stay Inspired

     I've talked about where I get inspiration but I also get a lot of questions on how I STAY inspired. I feel like inspiration comes with knowledge. When I didn't know how to do certain things or couldn't convey a story I got really discouraged. I didn't want to fail at something or show people bad work. One thing I've learned with shooting and growing in my work is to practice. I basically shoot an image every day. I never post every single one of them, but I do shoot quite often. There are a few images of mine that I've shot more than once because I didn't get what I wanted.

     For me, understanding how certain things worked really helped me to stay inspired because instead of thinking how did that work? I know how it works and I don't have any questions. Practicing your editing tools helps a lot too. Have you ever went to edit an image and knew what you wanted to do in your head but didn't know how to do it in your software? I have... and I practice and learned what works best for me. What tools are user friendly to me and what tools am I absolutely against? There are also those tools that I hate to use but tend to be very helpful at times. I found out over time that as much as I hate the pen tool, it's been very beneficial for me in many of my images.

     Here are a few things I suggest to do in order to keep inspired...

• Day Dream - Let your mind wonder. Let yourself revert into a child like thought process and remember what it was like to color outside of the lines.
• Take Something From Everything - Right now I'm looking at a game of Apples to Apples. What could I get from that? Well, apple is something easy to use. I can use this as a prop for an image. I often look at the sky. I could take colors from that particular sunset and use it in an image or mimic the pattern the clouds produce in the sky. 
• Practice - Edit an image every day. If you know you're bad at something (masking, layering, textures, etc.) spend extra time on that weak area of your editing to help refine it.
• Learn Perspective - This is a hard thing to understand sometimes but your images will greatly improve if you understand perspectives. Knowing how to do this will give you more confidence in your work and will keep the creative flow going in your mind.  
• Practice Storytelling - If you're interested in creating stories, practice them. What are you trying to convey with your piece? Sit down and make a list of key points in your story and mash them together into a story. If you go back and read my "Lament" post, this tells you exactly how I thought out that image in order to tell the story it shows. 

There really is no right way to be or stay inspired. Your mind is the limit! :)

"A Love Denied"

Can't Please Everyone

     I'm learning more and more each day that it is impossible to please each and every single person... I try my very best to make sure people are happy or go out of my way to do things for people and in the end it really doesn't matter. Someone told me years ago that I can't please everyone, to be a little selfish and if I only do things for other people that I will never be happy. Words could never be truer.

     Recently I started being more selfish about things. Not rude, but not so giving anymore. I have been more happy now than when I go out of my way for that 5 seconds of gratitude I get from people... I also work at a job where if I'm expecting to make everyone happy... well, I might as well die because that's exactly what will happen if I force myself to try and take on everything for everyone.

     I'm also realizing that I don't get anything in return for my hard work. I had 2 jobs and neither really wanted to work with each other's schedules and when I did give out my schedule... it would just get ignored. Then what happens? People get attitudes with me when I try to get my shifts covered or compromise. I try so hard to make everyone happy but that's done and over with. Who are these people to me anyways? Nothing, because I'm nothing to them either.

     I know I'm being quite pessimistic but it's the truth. I will always be a nice person at heart but I can only take so much before I just completely stop it all. Helping people does make me happy but I want to start helping people that actually need it. Someone that will take the kindness to heart and keep for the rest of their life. Helping people that can't help themselves.

     I've been in so many positions where I couldn't do things because of money, health, height, looks, gender, etc. Recently a hand full of people have found me worth it and have tried to help me every way they can. I won't list everything because I'm sure they don't want everyone to expect them to do the same things for every single person as well... but let's just say they've helped make my dreams come true!

     I want to do that for others as well but before I can do that I need to be selfish for a little while. I suggest everyone that is very kind to give themselves the chance to put their foot down and say no, I can't, or I won't. Stand up for yourself and face confrontation. Say I'm one person and I have limits. We're only human first.

Dream Big

     When I was a child I wanted to become many things; A dancer, singer, pianist, fine art drawer, professional cheerleader, gymnast, etc. I pretty much did all of those things but the one thing that always stuck with me was art. I still sing, play volleyball, piano, etc... but I NEVER took a break from art. I still do it every day in side of my head.

     One dream of mine that I never let go was to be featured in a gallery. For the longest time I had people tell me I wasn't good enough... I'd never get anywhere... I have nothing to show. Well, I do. I have my thoughts and my heart to show. I try to show it in every image as much as I possibly can.

     One thing that took me a while to learn is that I can't do everything by myself. I was so determined to show the people that hurt me that they were wrong and I didn't need anyone to become anything, and to a certain extent that is true, but in reality no one would be anywhere if it wasn't for people that are already a step ahead. That's how dreams happen - when someone gives you a break.

     Well, I finally got my break. I will be in my very first gallery and I can't explain the happiness I feel. My heart is overwhelmed with joy to the point that I find myself having almost a panic attack from the anxiousness of the opening day. This show is more than just a gallery show that I will be in. It's not a show with a bunch of random artists, it's a show with artists I have grown to call my friends. They've lifted me up when I felt down, they've stuck up for me when people tried to attack me (or even other people in the group), and we all have shared our darkest thoughts with each other. It feels like a small family and being able to meet them in person is so unreal and I'm very humbled by everything.

     What I'm getting at is if you love something and it's what you're truly passionate about, don't let others tell you that you can't do something. Nothing will be handed over to you so you will have to work hard for the goals you're wanting to achieve in life. It won't be easy but in the end it will be worth it and that is something no one can ever take away from you. I'm the type of person that learns the hard way because I can be stubborn. I get that one from BOTH of my parents, ha ha.

     Be yourself and everything will fall in it's place... unless you have a sucky personality and then I suggest you to change that and set yourself some positive goals for your life. Define yourself before someone else does it for you.
   

Fruits Basket

     Anime is one of my favorite things on this planet. I grew up watching it, reading mangas, and role playing/cosplaying. I watched this anime called "Fruits Basket" a long time ago and decided to watch the first season (sadly they never made another season but the mangas completed the story) over again because it keeps popping up in my Hulu suggestions. Anyways, now that I'm older... I can't understand and relate to it a lot more than when I was younger and didn't really grasp the concept. On the surface of the show, it's about a family curse, but beneath is an underlying message that I think everyone could take something from it. It's about acceptance. Where a person does and does not fit in. How treating others with compassion has a greater effect on a person than most realize. I related to this show in so many ways than one that I felt like I was a part of it... like I knew these people and they were my friends too. I know, I know. That sounds pretty silly and childish but I loved it either way.

     I could relate to every character in one way or another. Tohru, I related to her a lot actually. There are so many times where I go out of my way for other people. The things I say and do effect people and just last week I had someone thank me for sending them encouraging advise even though I didn't know them. Unlike her, I have more of a voice (more so now that I'm older.. I was pretty much exactly like her when I was her age in high school). Yuki and Kyo I'll talk about together because they're pretty similar. I saw myself the most in them. Picked on in school because I was different. Shunned, ostracized, hit on (literally), told I was nothing and would never amount to anything. It was really hard for me to let people in, even now it's hard for me to trust people. Like Tohru, I'm pretty gullible and for some reason always thinks everyone is telling me the truth.

     Shigure, Well... I'm not perverted so really the main quality I saw in him that I related to was his humor. He likes to joke around and mess with people in a light hearted way which is something I love doing. Laughing is probably my favorite emotion on this planet. Even over love. Speaking of love, Hatori. I've suffered from losing a loved one (not in death). The pain is always there though I'm always happy for that person. It's really bitter sweet but you can't change the past, all you can do is just move on and hope time heals a wounded heart. Kagura, I've loved someone and accepted them with my entire heart to have them not love me back as well. Though, this wasn't a huge issue in the show and she never seemed upset over it... but it's still something I relate to.

     Momiji, I'm pretty good about staying happy and hiding my feelings and thoughts from others for the most part. I'm also silly like he is. Kasuma, I've had someone look up to me before. Someone that wanted to be just like me... someone that I influenced heavily. Ritsu.... lol okay maybe I can't relate to ALL of the characters but someone I could DEFINITELY relate to was Kisa. As a kid (and even now still) I was called ugly and made fun of for how I looked, dressed, or talked. I even, like her, completely stopped talking for 3 months. I didn't accept calls, I didn't talk at school... not even to the teachers. Everything I said was made fun of by other kids, so, I stopped talking. It took me a while to start speaking up and I really didn't even do that until after high school. Hiro, he was born in the year of the sheep, same as me. There have been plenty of times where I've been jealous over someone spending more time with a person I cared about instead of me. I have a funny way of showing it just like him.. I can be pretty mean about things and just assume the person understands what I'm feeling. Last but not least... Akito. I was born with a heavy weight on my shoulders and I too know what it's like to feel absolutely helpless and full of anger because of it. I've been so upset that I forgot the simple wonderful things in life. I hated myself and everyone else that lived. I'm not like that anymore though I can still be quite cynical at times.

     At the end of it all... what really mattered was that ONE person showing that they cared. I know so many times where I've told someone, even if I didn't know them, that I was there for them. I also know so many times where people told me the same things and it really saved me. We all have power and using that power can make or break a person. You never know if what you say or do to someone will keep them going or make them end it all. Lucky for me, I was pretty stubborn and embraced the bullying. I wanted to show everyone that treated me poorly that I AM something. I'm not going to be nothing... a nobody. Some people don't have that drive though... some people are willing to just throw their life away because others tell them they should. It's really hard to see the light in a tunnel that is 100 miles long but that's what makes compassion such a healing power. I am proud to say that I am a riceball... a cat. Different <3

The Itch

     Hello, My name is Samantha and I'm a creativeholic. Everyone has their vices and mine just so happens to be non harming and very therapeutic for me. Wait, I take that back... some of the stuff I do isn't very safe. I go to abandoned areas, now with a chaperon, and I've fallen through floors of old houses, slipped on mystery goo, stepped in glass, etc. But to me... at the end of the day... it's worth it for that one image I had in my head for so long. 

    For me when I get an idea for an image, it's there until I complete that image. I'll obsess over what I'm wanting to do hours. Photography really saved me. Whenever I had no direction... creating with images is what helped me stay straight. This image is the literal definition of an itch I can't scratch. I constantly have ideas running through my head and no matter what I do... nothing satisfies this addiction until I completed the image I've been thinking of for hours, days, sometimes years... Until I finish my idea... it makes my brain "itch" so to speak.

Lament

     I'm in a couple of different photography groups and in one of them we have monthly challenges. This month's challenge was "Birth". I decided to take a different approach to this and thought that I would share what went through my mind while creating this.

    I had this image in my head for a while and this challenge pushed me a bit to go out and do it. Plus, I finally had a day off and it was really nice and warm out for "winter". I decided to interpret this challenge by changing the word from "Birth" to it's opposite... "Miscarriage". Now, I've never been pregnant but I do know people that have miscarried and it's not something I wish on anyone or would ever want to experience.

     Instead of doing this in a sterile background I made it in nature. It symbolizes the life all around the baby which would be the mother (mother nature). There are 3 bodies on the ground to signify the 3 trimesters in a pregnancy. The first in the background is in the fetal position symbolizing the fetus. The second in the middle-ground symbolizes the actual birth(miscarriage), while the final body is in the upright position of being carried away to the morgue. I chose a red dress because red is very symbolic for life and death which I've used before in my work. The bodies are covered in a white sheet to symbolize that they're seeds that never made it into the egg.

     As far as the title goes, I went through a lot of thinking with this one. I even had other people try to help me re-title my image because I didn't like "Death by Birth" and straight up "Miscarriage", so I went with the emotion of losing a child which would be mourning. More poetically for me would be "Lament."

Work In Progress

     There are things we all struggle with daily. For me, it's trying to keep a positive attitude. I look back constantly and ask myself why I sometimes if not most of times have a bad attitude about something. I look back on how people have treated me and it has turned me sour. I have a lot of hatred in my heart. I hate liars, why? I've been lied to most of my life by almost every person I've ever let in. It's hard for me to let any little fib slide by. The smallest "white lie" is huge to me. It hurts my feelings when people don't think that I am strong enough to hear the truth. Well, I am. I'm a strong person. All the lies I've ever told have always hurt people more than the actual truth did. Now, I always tell the truth even if it's blunt and hurts. A lot of the times that gets me into "trouble" but I don't like to be lied to and most people don't either. I'm not a person that is all for the saying "Ignorance is bliss." You have to get your head out of the clouds and back to reality or you'll never accomplish anything. Funny I'm saying that because with my photography... my head is in the clouds 99% of the time.

     I hate thieves. This goes for a whole range of tangible objects to actual thoughts. My whole life I've been stolen from. I've had my toys, my room, my love, and even my joy stolen from me... several times. I've never had stuff that I could call my own and mean it permanently. Toys is self explained. My room, I've had family members move in to start a new fresh life and then just take advantage of the situation and go back to old crappy habits. My love, I've dated guys and even had friends that have used me and tossed me to the side when something better came along. My joy, this is one that hurts the most. I strive to be the very best at certain things in life to have people come along and try to out do me (one up if you will) and it's all so frustrating when I try to create a place of my own to just have people walk all over me because they think they can or should. I've had people steal my ideas, dreams, and replace them with false hope and lies.

     The way people have treated me in my past has left me more than bitter, but it's something I struggle with everyday to push it out of my life so I can truly live. I don't want to be a bitter person... hateful... I want to be a happy person. I've always been happy... but I let stupid people and the past get in the way... I guess that's one huge reason why I love photography and music so much... it lets me get away and express myself and pour all my thoughts and emotions into simple things that make me happiest in life.

     All my desires are unattainable if I keep looking to the past instead of keeping my head towards the future. My goals this year and the years after is to keep my heart happy and to keep myself as positive as I can. I always want to improve to be the best me I can be.

"Unattainable Desire"