Thursday, August 28, 2014

Open Book

     I had huge goals for myself this year and I've managed to accomplish all of them (for the most part) but one... the final thing I wanted to do was to either start or just completely do a book of my work! It's not even about selling and making money off of it. It's about documenting my work and having everything I worked hard for in my hands for that year. It's also about sharing my stories with other people on a deeper level.

     I think I may extend it out a bit and do a book next year, but as of right now... I'm in the works and process of making a book that contains so much more than what you guys read in my blogs and see on my facebook and other networks. There will be extreme details about my work as far as the concept and post processing goes. I want this to be great! I want to share with everyone my dreams!

     I can't wait to add so much more work and to make this dream a reality. I constantly thank everyone for the support they've shown me over the years. The people that have hung in there for me to develop and refine my work will always be the people that I thank over and over again. It shows that you love me as an artist and not for one specific image, but all my mistakes and successes in life! <3

"Dear Diary" 2014

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Define Yourself

      This is a topic that I've struggled with for a really long time now. When I was a kid I constantly had people put me down or make fun of me for the home I lived in. It got me to the point of asking myself "Why was I put in this situation?" It turned me almost ungrateful for all the things my parents have done for me. I hated my home and wished I lived somewhere else... bigger, with a pool and trampoline, even two story if possible!

     That didn't last long though, I soon began to get angry at people for how they treated me or anyone else just because of the place they lived. Once I thought about it, I loved my home. I loved my parents and dogs... I even loved the fact that I didn't have all these things to keep me entertained. Why? Because I grew creatively. My brain was stimulated a lot deeper than the average kid now of days with their Ipads. I'd actually go outside and play. Create my own games and stories - I learned to draw, sing, even play piano.

     After realizing everything my parents have done for me and their worth to me, I started to feel sorry for the back asswards thinking of others. It wasn't just children either. I dated a guy that I absolutely cared the world for only to find out his grandmother hated me. I didn't find out until many years later that she hated me because she thought I was trash because of where and what I lived in. I'm not trash at all. I don't act like it and I hold myself to a high standard and live my life better than most wealthy people

     To be clear, I didn't live in a trailer park, but I did live in a double wide home my whole life. It was never trashy either. My parents kept great care of it. We even painted, removed the carpet and replaced it with beautiful hardwood, and removed the linoleum and put in very nice stone flooring. We painted put in new ceiling fans, sinks, and recently a new framed front porch. I now live in my own apartment and will soon be looking at houses within the next year.

     It doesn't matter where you live, but who you are in the inside. If you're a hateful person that judges other people based on their money and house, then you're a horrible person deep to the core. I actually knew someone that lived in a really nice house and had the world until something happened and they had to get an old smaller house. I was told stories about how they were all embarrassed of it and how they don't like inviting other people over because of how they didn't want other people to talk negatively about them.

     That's such a sad thing for people to experience. Feeling like everything they worked for is embarrassing. It absolutely makes my heart hurt. Never be embarrassed by your housing situation. You could live in a crappy place, yet keep it beautiful and clean. Not everyone will have the chance to live in a huge house with nice cars and all of the fancy things that people with money shove in our faces. Not saying having money should make you feel bad for people that don't, but what I'm getting at is the judging of a person based on money needs to stop.

     As a photographer, people expect me to have my own studio with thousands of dollars worth of equipment. I've had people tell me they thought I had a studio, and even had some photographers say "WOW" based on my images and the old camera I used to use because they never expected the quality from the camera I had (Sony Alpha 300 and ONLY the kit lens). The more expensive something is doesn't always mean it's better. Truth is, I don't own a studio. I actually do not think I'd ever really want to unless my career drastically changed. For all my images I basically just use my camera and the kit lens. Generally only available lighting. I never really use my extra lights for anything. Here is a list of all my gear...
  • Canon EOS 7D
  • Canon 28-135mm EF f/3.5-5.6 IS USM
  • Canon 50mm EF 1.8
  • Sigma 70-300mm f/4-5.6
  • One Yongnuo 560-II Speedlite
  • 5-in-1 Reflector
  • Cheap $12 tripod
  • Light stand and attachment for my speedlite along with a 22 in. softbox.
  • Wireless Yonguo Transmitter and Receiver for the speedlite.
  • Wireless Remote by Vello
     This is all of the equipment I own. I can literally carry everything with me in two hands. I used to let other photographers hurt me by saying I'll never get anywhere because of my lack of equipment and that's not true at all. I've learned to be light with my gear so I can carry it to places more discretely and easily, I've learned alternative ways to photograph, and I learned how to compensate for the lack of gear. 

     Don't let money define you. Don't let what other people say define you. Define yourself. Be better than the people that put you down for working hard to have the things you do have. Stick up for the people that struggle with these same feelings. Just because you don't have something, doesn't mean you're worthless. I've seen amazing things from amazing people and they had nothing in the beginning. 

Friday, August 15, 2014


Okay, so the title isn't misleading but it leads up to what I'm wanting to talk about. Words hurt. What you say to someone could seriously damage that person. Not everyone is strong enough to brush off ignorant comments and not let it get to them.

Tonight, without going into a lot of detail, a guy that I work with busted out laughing and was making fun of me for having smaller breasts. I wear a 36B cup, I'm not ashamed. They're not as full as some other B cup tatas, but non-the-less they're there. Usually I don't let this get to me. I laugh it off or make silly jokes also and then think nothing else about it.

The amount and overly dramatizing loudness of the laughing and then running around the work place a bit kind of got to me. He made it out to be the BIGGEST deal that I didn't have tits that popped out of my shirt. Like I said, I have always ignored these ignorant actions/comments about my smaller yet firm bra stuffers. I'm not really sure why tonight was any different.. maybe it was the other remarks stated after it (which I won't say) or maybe it was the fact that he got another person I work with to laugh and say terrible things about my niblets as well. Either way, it hurt... a lot.

I have never made fun of another person because of appearances or even things as sensitive as mound size. Not many women like hearing anyone say they have a big butt, but big jugs is a huge deal.. why? It's kind of what defines a woman as a woman to a certain extent... it's just a feminine quality to have a nice pair of fun bags. Just like men don't like hearing women saying they have a small package or no nuts, women don't like hearing they have no cha-chas either.

Women with bigger bonkers typically envy smaller knockers and visa versa. There are perks to each but for the sake of me talking about these wonderful tiny men silencers, I'd like to list some things that make having smaller chichis a good thing.
Move comfortably- I can cross my arms, raise my hands, do whatever I want without having a side boulder rubbing against my arm constantly.
Clothes fit more comfortably- Sometimes they may not fill out certain dresses better than larger hoohas, but at least there is a wider range of dresses, and shirts to choose from. I don't have to worry about having to buy a shirt 3 times larger just to fit and then have it baggy in the arms or waist.
I can breathe and I don't have back problems- The most common thing I hear from women with big hooters is that it gives them back problems and it's hard to sleep on their backs OR stomachs at night. For me... I can sleep on my back, stomach, both sides, upside-down if I wanted too... and don't have to worry about being uncomfortable or suffocating throughout the night.

There are definitely more perks but these are just the obvious main things. In the end I love myself enough to love the seemingly negative things about me. I have a bigger butt, I have smaller melons, I'm not as pretty as other girls, etc. I've learned over the years to love myself and to not let what others say get to me because in the end they're worthless. This guy that said these things and laughed at me is a terrible person inside and out (other reasons I won't mention). Also, I looked a realized that this person means nothing to me. I don't talk to him, hang out with him... nothing at all. He is worthless to me and if he disappears I probably wouldn't be upset. That's what you have to keep in you head. The people that are truly there for you would never do hurtful things and those are the people you need to keep in your life.

Anything said here wasn't meant to be anything negative against bigger coconuts. I think they can be quiet nice myself, I just want people to stop being huge jerks about size. Everyone has different preferences so saying one kind of anything is "pretty" isn't fair at all. I guess this is just something that us as humans continue to fight everyday...

Monday, August 4, 2014


No one really knows who the first person was to start the whole surreal photography genre. (Well, I don't know at least) The one thing I do know is that Brooke Shaden wasn't the first person to do it. This isn't a blog bashing her. I love her soul, her work, her words of encouragement, and so so much more. This is a blog about how, while I'm flattered and I'm sure others are as well when their work is compared to Brooke's or even thought as Brooke's, it's not Brooke's work - it's mine.

I get a lot that I'm copying Brooke, or Shelby, or whoever else does similar type portraits. Let me stop you there and tell you-NO. I've been doing photomanipulation since I was 13. Granted they weren't as advanced as my pieces now, but I was still doing it before these people became popular and before I knew who they were. No, I'm not the first person to do these types of works. Actually I was inspired by other people's works I saw as a kid. Mainly paintings and from films, but I still did my own work aside from that. I have a Myspace that has an old album from when I was a kid just full of composite works I did.

People being ignorant towards me because they don't know me is pretty annoying and if anything makes me laugh because it truly shows how a person doesn't know me at all. I had a blog a while back that told everyone how I got into photography and even the surreal part of it. I'll paraphrase it for you... I was 13, had no models but myself, had photoshop 7, and a webcam/point and shoot. These were my tools. I was too shy to use models and lacked resources and knowledge to have my images hung anywhere or even advance. It took me a long time to obtain the knowledge I have. I taught myself. So much trial and error happened... and in the end all of my hard work is being taken away from me by people that don't know what they're talking about. I have countless hours of watching videos, speed-art, learning in photoshop myself, learning different techniques myself and from others, etc.

Simply put, know someone before you speak. Someone that is popular now isn't always the first person to do something, they're generally just the first person to make it known. I'm not angry that people compare me. I'm really flattered and it makes me joyous even, but everything isn't just what you see. Take a little time to do some real research before you point fingers.