Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Details

     I get asked this a lot with my images and I always forget to tell people how or why. Last night my boyfriend hovered over me while I was doing some editing to an image and he says, "That was A LOT of attention to detail, how did you even see that?"

     As a kid I loved to draw. I drew all the time everywhere and mostly in class at school. They obviously forbade it so I would have to kind of sneak drawing. I'd get really close to my paper and draw miniature figures. I did that all the time even after I got caught. Also, I drew so close to the paper because I didn't want others to see. I was scared to show my thoughts and talent. I often had kids take my drawings a rip them up, scribble over them, or yell at me and tell me that I didn't draw that and that I was lying even going as far as forcing me to draw in front of them - which made me super nervous so you can imagine how that one went.

     Doing this has ruined my eyesight. I used to have 20/10 eyesight and over the years with hiding my talents and keeping it a secret I now have pretty poor eyesight. I can only see very close up. My computer screen is a bit fuzzy and it's only a few feet away from me. I had glasses for a bit but hardly wore them because they were just too inconvenient. My parents ended up letting me get contacts my freshman year in high school because I played volleyball and well... you kind of need to see long distance and glasses are highly not recommended.

     Anyways, when I first put in my contacts I cried. For the first time in many many years I had my vision back. I was able to play volleyball better, sit in the back of the classrooms instead of the front so I could see the board, drive at night, even draw better and bigger! I was so excited and I love them with every part of me.

     Though I lost a lot of my eyesight it did give me the talent of being able to see details, being up close with my images and really getting into the tiniest of parts. With my contacts I can practically see everything now. My eyes are like a 4k t.v. It used to give me headaches when I first got my contacts because before then I wasn't used to all of the detail. I'm definitely okay now and I can see even more detail in objects. I could sit around all day and mope about not having great eyes anymore, but I turned it into a positive and believe that in some way it helped me grow as an artist and helped my brain to process information in a different way.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Humility, Thankfulness, and Drifting Apart

     Humility is lacking these days and I mean TRUE humility. There is really being humble and then there is pretending to be humble just so people will see you as... being humble. I'm all for people being confident, don't get that twisted, but you have to find a balance of confidence and humility. I believe every person deserves to boast about certain things. Maybe you achieved something you're super proud about and want to tell the world! Excitement is a very wonderful thing to experience! It's those people that doesn't say look what I did (once) but constantly pushes it up in people's faces that need to be brought back down to earth. Be excited, yes, but at some point you're going to have to move on. Just have a happy heart. I see too much jealousy happening because of other's success and it makes me sad. There are plenty of things in this world to be great at and more than one person can even be great a the same thing! It's not the end of the world.

     Everyday I have to be thankful for the things I do have and the things I don't have. Everyone else should too, because there is much much worse than the issues you deal with daily. When I visited Orlando last weekend I saw a lot of homeless people. I mean, A LOT. I see them where I live as well but not to this abundance. For those 3 days we saw the same people in the same spot all day-every day. It really made me sad. While I know some people are comfortable with being like that, I know there are other's that struggle daily. I really had to sit down for a few minutes and just be thankful for everything in life I have... the big and the small.

     Another thing, people move on and even from each other. It's a sad part of life. Not all friends will always be close friends and not all relationships will work out either. It's called drifting apart and it happens all the time. Family does it too. I have friends I grew up with that I still talk to but we don't hang out everyday (hardly ever) and we don't really talk much either. We grew up and went on our own paths because we all have our own lives, dreams, families, expectations, successes, etc. Don't get stuck in the past and just try to move on because this world is ever changing and we need to keep up with the change in order to be free and happy.

     I just want to continue being a happy and inspired person. I'm very thankful that I am now in a point in my life that I have little to no drama. Face-it, we all have those people that will try and make your life difficult and they only will if you allow them. Get away from those people. Remove them on facebook, out of your phone, e-mails, etc. I've even went as far as blocking certain people's friends and families in order to expel them out of my life as much as possible. Letting go is an amazing and beautiful strength that only takes practice. So go out there and achieve your dreams leaving all drama behind you, old relationships that are holding you back, and shoot for success. Remember to always be thankful and humble because you have one life, so live it to it's fullest!

Monday, July 14, 2014


I have a deep and strong connection with this song. When creating this image, I wanted to keep true to the lyrics of the song. "In My field of paper flowers, Candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me," I sing this song very very often. If you've read any of my blogs from when I first started blogging, then you'll know that I was bullied for a majority of my childhood. I was about 11 when the song first came out, I already loved her song "Bring Me To Life", I used to listen to it all the time.

Even at a young age I understood the lyrics well. Maybe because I could see people for who they really were and what the world is without even having to explore much of it. I didn't just understand and feel the song, but I lived the song. I've always been a dreamer. My body was always in auto pilot mode while my mind was in my own world--I still do this. I hated school, which is funny because I loved it at the same time, but I found myself not being able to fully flourish there. While I have nothing wrong with religion, to each his own, the religious school I went to focused too much on the religion itself and not enough on developing a child's talents and their minds. I still have no clue where all the money my parents spent went. It definitely wasn't for an art program.

There is bullying everywhere you go, I experienced it from a wide variety of people, both learned and ignorant. What helped me in life to cope with these daily pains of having to deal with people has always been my imagination. I'd spend hours outside exploring our wooden back area, playing imaginary games that I was some warrior princess that saved the entire village from danger! I would draw, sing and play piano to keep myself entertained. Now of days people stay on the computer, their cell phones, and their other various hand held devices. Don't get me wrong, I played my share in gameboy, playstation, etc. I was a pretty hardcore console and pc gamer, but aside from that I took time to fall into my own imagination.

I was told once to let my mind go blank and your "safe zone" or quiet place would appear. For me it was an open green field where you could see no end and the sky met the ground with one single tree. In my head I would go and sit by that tree and just let myself be free. We actually had a tree outside my parents house that I would sit by all the time and draw, some workers came by one day and cut the tree down due to it being close to the power lines. A tiny part of me died that day. I found other trees I would climb in and sit and think all the time, we had that nosy neighbor that would come out and yell at me and even threaten to call the cops on me because they thought I would fall out of it... though it was on our property, I soon found another better tree where she couldn't say anything. I still climbed the other one and eventually told her to screw off.

I would lie inside myself and thoughts for hours almost every hour I was awake. I still do this today and I get a lot of "air-headed" comments. Trust me, I'm not air-headed, I just don't want to listen to people's constant sex jokes, cruel humor, and mindless banter. I have a love-hate relationship with people. I have a very caring side that tries my hardest to please others and help them. Then I have my side that knows how unfaithful, cruel, and backstabbing people can be. When someone doesn't get their way they instantly change on you. They become distorted from the previous image they tried to show you.

Working in the food industry really made me dislike people even more. We get "nice" people all the time yet the second their food was wrong (even slightly) they go off and all of a sudden we're the most ignorant and incapable people on this planet. People just do things without thinking and that's what I think will continue to be the downfall of the human race. I do a lot of things on whim as well but there are also many many things that I don't do or say based on the outcome.

Anyways, I still cope with people and their rudeness by shrugging it off and going into my own little world which is where most of my images are born. A lot are from dreams, but I do get a lot of ideas while I'm at work in "auto pilot mode".

There is so-so much more that connects me to these song lyrics but this was just a tad bit into why I love it so much and why I relate to it. The rest of the stuff is kind of depressing and I'm not really in a depressing mood right now. I'm actually quiet inspired, excited, motivated, uplifted, thoughtful, etc. I just wanted to take a few minutes out of my time and share with everyone my thoughts.