I took up numerous different things to deal with everything. I started off drawing and singing. I loved both so very much but I was always too shy to show people my talents. Even today when people compliment my work to my face I blush and get bashful over it. I guess I'm so used to the rejection that when I finally get "praise" for my work I still do not know how to take it. I continued to draw and sing but also picked up piano along the way. This was something that I could physically, with my own hands, express how I felt about everything that ever happened to me. I love classical music... it's so dark and bright all at the same time and it all expresses exactly how I feel, an emotional extremist.
When I finally had the courage to show off my work people called me a liar. They said that I wasn't smart enough or talented enough to be able to create some of the things I did. I had people tear up my drawings or draw over them (scribble them out). It was really hard for me to show anything I loved to other people because they would constantly tear it down. Everything I loved was a joke to them. I didn't actually start getting good feedback until I was in the 8th grade. Even then, I was still very shy about it and never felt like I was good enough.
One thing that I knew I was good at, according to everyone, was being weird. Halloween was easily my favorite holiday/time of the year. It gave me the opportunity to be as weird as I wanted without being judged, though I still was I just didn't care as much. I never dressed as anything cute, I was always a devil, witch, grim reaper, anything that let me be something else than this shy little girl. I was still weird but it allowed me to embrace it without it being weird... does that make sense?
October is the best time ever for me. It's so full of happy memories of trick-or-treating, hanging with my true friends, and being with family. I obviously outgrew it for the most part but fall will always be my favorite time of the year. The leaves change, the air lightens, I become a happier person. Every day I walk outside and feel the weather it flashes me back to a happier time and instantly puts a smile on my face. This month and holiday made me fearless as a child and eventually formed me into who I am today. It has a lot of influence on my work as a photographer and influence on my life as a person. It gave me a creative outlet that allowed me to just be myself and not be shy about it because I was "hiding" behind a mask. I don't think it's always bad to have something to hide behind as long as that something eventually lets you be a stronger person and grow from it and eventually you can let go of it.