Work In Progress

     There are things we all struggle with daily. For me, it's trying to keep a positive attitude. I look back constantly and ask myself why I sometimes if not most of times have a bad attitude about something. I look back on how people have treated me and it has turned me sour. I have a lot of hatred in my heart. I hate liars, why? I've been lied to most of my life by almost every person I've ever let in. It's hard for me to let any little fib slide by. The smallest "white lie" is huge to me. It hurts my feelings when people don't think that I am strong enough to hear the truth. Well, I am. I'm a strong person. All the lies I've ever told have always hurt people more than the actual truth did. Now, I always tell the truth even if it's blunt and hurts. A lot of the times that gets me into "trouble" but I don't like to be lied to and most people don't either. I'm not a person that is all for the saying "Ignorance is bliss." You have to get your head out of the clouds and back to reality or you'll never accomplish anything. Funny I'm saying that because with my photography... my head is in the clouds 99% of the time.

     I hate thieves. This goes for a whole range of tangible objects to actual thoughts. My whole life I've been stolen from. I've had my toys, my room, my love, and even my joy stolen from me... several times. I've never had stuff that I could call my own and mean it permanently. Toys is self explained. My room, I've had family members move in to start a new fresh life and then just take advantage of the situation and go back to old crappy habits. My love, I've dated guys and even had friends that have used me and tossed me to the side when something better came along. My joy, this is one that hurts the most. I strive to be the very best at certain things in life to have people come along and try to out do me (one up if you will) and it's all so frustrating when I try to create a place of my own to just have people walk all over me because they think they can or should. I've had people steal my ideas, dreams, and replace them with false hope and lies.

     The way people have treated me in my past has left me more than bitter, but it's something I struggle with everyday to push it out of my life so I can truly live. I don't want to be a bitter person... hateful... I want to be a happy person. I've always been happy... but I let stupid people and the past get in the way... I guess that's one huge reason why I love photography and music so much... it lets me get away and express myself and pour all my thoughts and emotions into simple things that make me happiest in life.

     All my desires are unattainable if I keep looking to the past instead of keeping my head towards the future. My goals this year and the years after is to keep my heart happy and to keep myself as positive as I can. I always want to improve to be the best me I can be.

"Unattainable Desire"