Moving Forward

     I recently went through a lot of reflection on my past. There were parts of it that I missed extremely and other parts that I was more than happy to be missing in my life. I've made mistakes and I grew from them. I also helped other people to grow and flourish and become something in their life. I have a real love-hate relationship with my past. While (as mentioned in too many of my blogs) I was bullied a lot growing up and even still to this day I get it, I became strong from those situations. I don't take what other people say so personally anymore. There are a lot of terrible things people will say and do in order to bring you down and the one thing I'm most proud of is being able to finally not let it get to me. I've made a lot of friends in my past and I made some enemies as well (mostly girls overreacting about dumb things). Something we should all remember is that the past is in the past and everything happens for a reason.

     I recently hung out with a very old friend of mine, I'm talking about someone I've know my whole life. Hanging out with this person, after so many years, was nice... or so I thought. We went to the mall and hung out for a while and talked - that's it. We talked about old friends, and funny things that happened when we went to school together. We talked about our future and how it could of been different because of one thing or another. It was kind of an eye opener. For myself, I've done so many things and I've honestly moved so far away and past my childhood that revisiting it was a mistake. After we said our good-bye's, some not so fun things happened that I won't go into extreme detail, but let me just say that it reminded me of the whole reason why I left my past behind.

     I was never a problem child. I kept to myself and learned art, piano, singing, etc. I was really active. Eventually I mixed myself with crappy people. I didn't turn crappy like they were but I was in the middle of everyone's drama. As much as I tried to get away from it, another "friend" would come into my life and they would know those same people and it was just a vicious cycle. I thought it would never end. My life was in constant turmoil because of the people I surrounded myself with. Honestly, I have no clue as to why they were even in my life. When I look back on it, we really didn't have much in common and in the end the friendships went nowhere real quick. These people destroyed friendships with some people I actually cared a lot about. As much as I tried to explain situations and let these people know that I had nothing to do with certain situations, it was too late and I'll never get the good friendships back. I was pretty upset about it all but now I feel like those relationships that were tainted wouldn't of been good to keep anyways.

     As I thought on this more and more I wanted to create an image that reflected how I'm feeling and what I'm going through in this personal time in my life. I wanted the image to show myself moving forward from my past. I wanted it to reflect how it's hard to move on but you can do it once you lift your head high and look towards your future. I have a very bright future and I want to keep being inspired and live a full life. That's what this image means to me. A part of me is holding onto my past because of the good memories, but more than all of me knows I need to move on. Leaving the bad relationships and friendships behind. Leaving the stupid mistakes behind and moving forward to the future I've always wanted for myself. Just like my past, I have a love-hate relationship with this image. There are so many things I love about it but there are so many things I hate about it as well.

"Moving Forward"

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